The Roulette Wheel

So I've been having a little trouble this week.  I'm not going to be able to go into detail but I can give a sense of my side of things. 

Things with Mel have been going swimmingly.  We're clearly really into each other.  Eventually moving in together is a regular topic of discussion.  She even approached ME about being facebook official...which I have to say is weird as hell, but we'll talk about that later or not at all.  I still think it's awesome, just, ya know, a little scary.  Anyway.  So this week is probably the most consistently bad week that Mel has all year.  It happens every year and it'll keep happening for many years to come.  Being me, I REALLY want to be able to help her.  Hold her.  Be there for her.  Talk to her.  Do things for her.  The usual being-the-best-boyfriend-I-can-be thing.  My heart aches for her situation and my empathy and want to help her is kicking my ass.  Because I can't help her or hold her this week for reasons I have no intention of talking about.  It's really something I'm having trouble with this week.

I don't really have a solution.  I'm just trying to hang in there until the week is over and we can get a little further away from it.  So I can go back to communicating with her the way I'm used to.  So she can start feeling better.  So I can start feeling better.  So we can start feeling better.

Empathy really helps when I'm being a teacher or being a counselor.  I catch things that the parents of my students and my fellow teachers don't even notice at all.  I've helped all kinds of kids by just being who I am.   Which is obviously good.  There are times though, when I'm in situations like this and my hands are tied I just feel helpless.  Ok, I know this is really the first trip through a week like this with her and this will get marginally easier as time marches on, but I was just feeling shitty about not being able to help.  Ya know?  I guess there are probably a couple of you out there with an overabundance of empathy.  I guess it's really a good thing that I care.  I just hope she sees that and knows I'm here for her.  But it's hard when you just want to hold someone and make everything better...but you can't.  Just want to share in the hopes that the act of sharing would make some of my worry go away.  We'll see.

Tommy  "it's mostly a blessing" Schubert