The Roulette Wheel

I know I've talked about this a lot or maybe not at all but that's really not the point.

I'm haunted, and some days it really fucks with me. I'm sure there are several of you who have the same experience every once in a while. Here's the issue: l have Kelley dreams. Not sex dreams, but just everything's ok dreams. Last night I had a dream where Kelley came back. The dream was just us sitting and talking. It was really nice and really long. I felt really great, better than I have in a long time. But the haunting isn't about the good feelings...it's about waking up. I hate it. I try and get back to sleep. I try not to think about it but it's like losing her again and again. At this point you would think these dreams would be over but they just aren't. Now don't get me wrong, they aren't anywhere near as frequent but they sneak up on me. It really feels like I'm haunted. Soon as I let my guard down, soon as I start really thinking about other women, one will get me. I'm in New Mexico visiting with mike and Dan during our annual skiing trip right now. We have had a great time this weekend so what do I get? Yup...one of the worst hauntings I've ever had. It's just a bummer and I wanted to vent that out so I didn't have to talk to the other guys here and bring the party down.

So yeah. Just wanted to throw that out there. Anyone else have dreams like that? If you do then I pitty you. They're horrible.

Tommy "actually jealous of this guy...ya know...a little bit..." Schubert

So it's Valentine's Day. A couple years ago I was calling this my favorite holiday. Now it's my second favorite. It's still up there, ya know, it's just not at the top anymore. For obvious reasons.

I like to rank my holidays by candy and bonuses. But candy first and foremost! Here's the list:

1st: Halloween. Candy: candy corn. Bonus: dressing up as something cool!

2nd: Valentine's Day. Candy: stale Necco conversation hearts. Bonus: telling the people you love what's up. Extra bonus: having an S.O. And them letting you take them out and make their day.

3rd: Christmas. Candy: cherry flavored candy canes. Bonus: presents! Negative: mom is always depressed and disappointed.

So there we go. That's the rundown. Anyway. Today wasn't the best Valentine's Day ever by any stretch of the imagination but my students helped me get through it with all their Valentine's for me. I got so many this year! I had fun making theirs on Monday so it was a much cooler day than it could have been :)

Well the battery just died on my phone so this is going to have to post after it charges up later tonight.

**long break**

Ok...it would seem my phone has been extra overused today. After it shut down the wireless I guess I was using it so much it decided it was just done and shut down completely for the second time since i've owned it. Oh well. So I just finished my Valentine's date. It was a little out of the blue but it was nice and mellow. I've included a picture of my date. We went to The Fillmore Pub which is my new favorite pub style bar. It's in downtown plano and it keeps good hours. It's good to have an alternate reading place other then my sushi place and both are super close to my parents place so they should make good escapes. :)

Anyway. Happy Valentine's Day folks. I hope you had the chance to tell someone you love them! :)

Tommy "I didn't" Schubert

Sorry internets. I missed you too. What I wanted to come over and talk to you about some things.

I've been busy, "met" someone else about a week ago and I've been really caught up in that. Nothing really to report quite yet but I do have a date with her next Saturday. I'll come back and talk about her if anything interesting happens or I get a second date out of it. We'll see.

What I REALLY came here for was something entirely different. I actually wanted to talk about the things people do to get by in life. The sacrifices that we make to make ourselves smile everyday. The things we do but hate doing and why we do them. The maddening uncertainty of the future. The people in our lives that aren't around anymore. Making do. Thinking too much. Laughing too little. Enjoying the little things. Missing the big things. Staying up all night with friends. Talking on the phone for hours. Making mistakes you can never take back. Allowing yourself to change. Standing tall when others don't. Being a roll model whether you want to be or not. Loving life.

Yup...that's all I wanted to talk about. Shower time! :)

Tommy "and now for something completely goofy: jamming ball hair up your nose!" Schubert