Thursday, May 31, 2007
An Open Letter
So I haven't been writing in a while. Let me tell ya why. I'm living with my parents for the time being and let me tell ya: I thought I remembered why I hated it but now I flat out KNOW. My parents are children. They are actually fucking infants. They literally have no idea how to work things out between each other or within themselves. They have a problem, either big or small, and they always do the same thing. My mother storms off and doesn't talk to ANYONE about the problem. Meanwhile she acts 120% happy around everyone else but the person she has a problem with. That person? That person gets the "I'm pretending like you're dead" routine. This sounds familiar? It should...and it doesn't set well with me for those exact reasons. My dad? Not much better. He runs around blubbering like an idiot and literally doing NOTHING about it. He WANTS to do something about it but never does. No trying to talk to her, no telling her what he wants, no nothing. Just silence from both sides. It's really kicking my ass.
Don't get me wrong I do see the similarities between this situation and the one I dealt with earlier this year. I really do. But at least I made an effort. Actually I made a strong (by comparison) effort. This? This is fucking ridiculous from both sides. At least my situation was only completely childish from one side and too nice for my one good from the other. Oi...So basically what I'm trying to say is that I'm having to relive the shit I went through every day while I live here. Maybe it's karma for respecting Kelley's side of things and not basically forcing her to come back to me. I don't know, but whatever it is I'm sick and tired of it and I want it to fucking stop. Does that equal divorce? I don't know but I know what it should equal. It SHOULD equal my fucking parents growing up and talking to each other like fucking adults. Fuck.
Ok...anyway. So even besides that, my week and the next couple it going/have been totally crazy. I've had futile dates. Religious chicks just aren't my thing. Check. Chicks with guns aren't my thing either I'm finding out. Oi. But either way I swing it...I'm just not ready for a real relationship yet. As soon as I got close...I mean truly close, to Kelley of course...she decided that I couldn't be around anymore in the blink of an eye. I'm not ready to do that again, and I don't have to be ready. Oh yeah...and 10 years of Catholic School? Yeah well...it might make you agnostic...sure...but it also buries an overactive sense of guilt so deep in your psyche that it can't even be dug out with a rusty spoon. A REALLY rusty spoon. Guilty about dating other women 8 months out? Sure....WHY NOT!? Fuck. I'm glad I'm too busy for another woman...it does make this easier.
Wow...Needless to say this one was a long time coming. Sorry for the dump people. And anyone out there that this all pertains to...sorry for hurting your feelings...annnnd I'm NOT sorry if this inadvertently makes you want me back even though in a lot of ways you just don't deserve someone as good as me. But I wouldn't have stuck it out for 6 years if I didn't think you were/would be worth it.
BTW- Cait Graduated Tuesday. I wish I could have been there without feeling a guilt I don't deserve to feel. But I didn't go and that was the right thing to do. But at the same time it's just fucking wrong. I'm proud of you kid. Make good choices.
Tommy "because it'll hurt more you twit!" Schubert
Don't get me wrong I do see the similarities between this situation and the one I dealt with earlier this year. I really do. But at least I made an effort. Actually I made a strong (by comparison) effort. This? This is fucking ridiculous from both sides. At least my situation was only completely childish from one side and too nice for my one good from the other. Oi...So basically what I'm trying to say is that I'm having to relive the shit I went through every day while I live here. Maybe it's karma for respecting Kelley's side of things and not basically forcing her to come back to me. I don't know, but whatever it is I'm sick and tired of it and I want it to fucking stop. Does that equal divorce? I don't know but I know what it should equal. It SHOULD equal my fucking parents growing up and talking to each other like fucking adults. Fuck.
Ok...anyway. So even besides that, my week and the next couple it going/have been totally crazy. I've had futile dates. Religious chicks just aren't my thing. Check. Chicks with guns aren't my thing either I'm finding out. Oi. But either way I swing it...I'm just not ready for a real relationship yet. As soon as I got close...I mean truly close, to Kelley of course...she decided that I couldn't be around anymore in the blink of an eye. I'm not ready to do that again, and I don't have to be ready. Oh yeah...and 10 years of Catholic School? Yeah well...it might make you agnostic...sure...but it also buries an overactive sense of guilt so deep in your psyche that it can't even be dug out with a rusty spoon. A REALLY rusty spoon. Guilty about dating other women 8 months out? Sure....WHY NOT!? Fuck. I'm glad I'm too busy for another woman...it does make this easier.
Wow...Needless to say this one was a long time coming. Sorry for the dump people. And anyone out there that this all pertains to...sorry for hurting your feelings...annnnd I'm NOT sorry if this inadvertently makes you want me back even though in a lot of ways you just don't deserve someone as good as me. But I wouldn't have stuck it out for 6 years if I didn't think you were/would be worth it.
BTW- Cait Graduated Tuesday. I wish I could have been there without feeling a guilt I don't deserve to feel. But I didn't go and that was the right thing to do. But at the same time it's just fucking wrong. I'm proud of you kid. Make good choices.
Tommy "because it'll hurt more you twit!" Schubert
Thursday, May 10, 2007
The Best Day
Wow...I seriously just had the best day I've had in a VERY VERY long time. Maybe even more than a year! :)
I really can't go into detail in the public forum (you never know who's listening!) but if you're interested and you know how to get a hold of me DO IT! TODAY WAS AWESOME!
Luckily the most awesome part I CAN tell you and I can be totally cryptic about the rest so buck up :)
My professor gave us our final evaluations tonight. Totally final for the semester. Guess what...well...here's the approximate quote of the conversation:
"Tommy, you and one other person in the class are simply heads above the rest. You are really doing well at this. You DO plan to go LPC don't you?"
"Yes."
"Good Good. I think you're really excel at it-"
" I actually plan on getting my Doctorate shortly after getting certified."
"Cool. I think you should do it...you're DEFINITELY smart enough."
Guys...I was standing beside myself with joy. Not only was I complimented by someone I really look up to on my skills as a counselor but wow...listen: I basically NEVER get complimented on my intelligence without fishing for it with self deprecation. Seriously NEVER. That really blew me away. I'm truly overjoyed to get two awesome and sincere compliments in the span of the same 5 minutes. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!
During lunch today I got a VERY welcome phone call, opening up potential for next week being awesome too!
After class tonight I had a short but fucking rad (yes the F-Bomb was on purpose) conversation that is basically sure to make my mother's day weekend pretty unbeatable.
Does it stop there Tommy? NO! After sitting down at this computer I got a VERY pleasant pop-up reassuring me that someone I really miss HASN'T decided to ignore me!
One last thing! After getting home I discovered a pretty badical (spell checker doesn't know WHAT to do with THAT word! :) ) framed montage of my play that I directed earlier this year. It might have played a big hand in ruining the last 7 months of my life BUT...I still am very proud of it so it will be a pleasure to put up in my office :)
Anyway...grades are due tomorrow morning so before I can hit the sack I have to get my shit together and grade some shit! But! NOT before it strikes 12...I really don't want anything to spoil my day :)
I hope your day was close to as good as mine. I miss every one of you and can't wait till the next time I hear from ya! :)
Tommy "it's just a tiny paragraph kinda post" Schubert
I really can't go into detail in the public forum (you never know who's listening!) but if you're interested and you know how to get a hold of me DO IT! TODAY WAS AWESOME!
Luckily the most awesome part I CAN tell you and I can be totally cryptic about the rest so buck up :)
My professor gave us our final evaluations tonight. Totally final for the semester. Guess what...well...here's the approximate quote of the conversation:
"Tommy, you and one other person in the class are simply heads above the rest. You are really doing well at this. You DO plan to go LPC don't you?"
"Yes."
"Good Good. I think you're really excel at it-"
" I actually plan on getting my Doctorate shortly after getting certified."
"Cool. I think you should do it...you're DEFINITELY smart enough."
Guys...I was standing beside myself with joy. Not only was I complimented by someone I really look up to on my skills as a counselor but wow...listen: I basically NEVER get complimented on my intelligence without fishing for it with self deprecation. Seriously NEVER. That really blew me away. I'm truly overjoyed to get two awesome and sincere compliments in the span of the same 5 minutes. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!
During lunch today I got a VERY welcome phone call, opening up potential for next week being awesome too!
After class tonight I had a short but fucking rad (yes the F-Bomb was on purpose) conversation that is basically sure to make my mother's day weekend pretty unbeatable.
Does it stop there Tommy? NO! After sitting down at this computer I got a VERY pleasant pop-up reassuring me that someone I really miss HASN'T decided to ignore me!
One last thing! After getting home I discovered a pretty badical (spell checker doesn't know WHAT to do with THAT word! :) ) framed montage of my play that I directed earlier this year. It might have played a big hand in ruining the last 7 months of my life BUT...I still am very proud of it so it will be a pleasure to put up in my office :)
Anyway...grades are due tomorrow morning so before I can hit the sack I have to get my shit together and grade some shit! But! NOT before it strikes 12...I really don't want anything to spoil my day :)
I hope your day was close to as good as mine. I miss every one of you and can't wait till the next time I hear from ya! :)
Tommy "it's just a tiny paragraph kinda post" Schubert
