The Roulette Wheel

Ok...so things are getting a little weird around here. I mean, I'm about to buy a house, which is obviously a huge step. I'm about to graduate. I'm about to have my 30th birthday. I'm about to start my last (possibly) year of teaching. Doctor Who is going on one and a half year sabbatical, and Project Runway is just starting season 5. Shit's getting crazy!

So what to talk about? I'm looking at a bunch of houses tomorrow and there's a high probability that I'm going to be putting a bid on one of them. I'll be literally looking at every house in the area, in my price range and with the criteria I'm looking for. If I don't find one tomorrow it's probably going to be a long time till I do. That makes me a little nervous. I really want to get this taken care of before school starts, but then again so does every family in the state. 'Course every family in the state isn't going to be starting rehearsal for a three person high school drama the first week of school. Anyway. Enough complaining! I'm super excited about owning my own home! :) I really hope I find one that works out for me.

I have to say that I really hope Suede gets cut. Wow...I really hate that guy...and the tanarexic guy too. They both need to go. Then again...considering the guy I hated at the beginning of last season went on to win doesn't bode well for this season. Sigh...Suede just talk about yourself in the third person ONE MORE TIME...and I'll make sure you never make it to the reunion episode!

Anyway...shower time. I have houses to see at 11. Laters!

Tommy "eats pussy" Schubert

Ok so I've been kinda busy the last couple days. Mom and I have been going a little nuts looking for a house. I'm hoping that it chills out and starts to slow down here soon but it looks like I'll be a home owner here kinda soon. I mean...I guess I don't know how long the process is but I'm hoping that it's going to take a little longer. I need a couple more days to go over this one so I don't feel like I'm rushing into anything. Currently we're looking pretty hard at a townhome in the old neighborhood that Dan and I were living in. It's on a different street but it's the same home owner's association. The house needs quite a bit of work but I do really like it. Personally I could be excited about the house but I don't want to get my hopes up. I'm doing what I usually do about stuff like this. Anticipation is something that clouds peoples heads. I tend to purposefully put feelings like that away. There's a drawback and it happens every time. People look at me and give me shit for not being excited enough. You have no idea how many times I've heard, "Dude! Smile! You're about to [own a car/move to Europe/graduate]!" It gets a little old. I mean...I really am excited on the inside but if I let it get to me I'm just going to be disappointed if something goes wrong. I do it to protect myself. Wait...why am I talking about this? Oh right...the house.

So this house needs a little work but it's still pretty cool. The backyard is big, for a townhome, the porch is nice and fully covered and the backyard is almost completely private due to the 16 foot trees surrounding it. The place itself is HUGE. It's almost 3000 square feet and perfect for a couple roommates. Lots of room between rooms so people aren't on top of eachother all the time. Reminds me of "the house" but much bigger. Basically the smallest bedroom is the size of a normal master bedroom...and there's four bedrooms. So lots of room and lots of closet space. The biggest spare bedroom is currently made up to be a media room but it's about the same size as the master bedroom which is also HUGE. But anyway...like I said, the place is big. We're going to hear about the inspection that was recently done on the house later today. I'll need a roommate pretty fast because without one it's going to be really tight. Dooable but tight. Regardless. If this goes down at this place? Say hello to the new Wednesday Night Thanksgiving location! :) What??! I'm trying to be reasonably excited ;)

Click the picture if you want to check out the house.

Tommy "would really like time to slow down now" Schubert

But it's not.

I can't and shouldn' t finish this post right now. This is like a marker so I don't forget to talk about what I'm thinking right now. I'll get back to it possibly today or tomorrow. We'll see. I need to sleep on this one. Currently it's too dark and needs serious brooding first. I know...that like never happens. This time it does. Get over it.

Tommy "I should be saying that to myself" Schubert

UPDATE: Well, I decided to just go ahead and abort this message. I was really angry for like 8 hours or something but you should know me, that never lasts long. I'm mostly over it now. Still a little bitter about my inevitable and unfortunate situation of being a "good guy" but the unfocused anger is gone now. I don't think it'll come back.

I'm having trouble expression how awesome the day I just had was. I'm actually a little buzzed from it still. Knocking a final exam out of the park, reunion with about 20 estranged friends and then straight to The Dark Knight midnight showing. I'm a little beside myself with awesome right now. No...really. My day was that good. I really think this is the best day I've had in many many years...like I can't remember the last time I had such an awesome day. And on that note I think I have to end it before something tragic happens or something. Like lightning strikes my house...or worse Frank's house and I lose all my blog posts from the last four years. Man...I gotta back that shit up. Seriously. 'Course I guess I have to learn how to back it up first. Sigh. Ok...I really have to go. I'll maybe explain later but knowing me I don't think I will. I just might want to leave the awesome to memory, only so I can reflect without concrete information. Who knows? Maybe as the years pass it will get even more awesome :)

Tommy "I'm not fucking around...it was that awesome" Schubert

So I was driving to class this morning and I had been listening to the Smashing Pumpkins all week and that continued today. So anyway. I had just been bopin' along the highway and then an old song came on. Bodies. That's when it hit me. I actually felt like the song physically touched me. It was swelling me up inside, I was suddenly full of energy, and I felt fucking good! I had never really thought about it before but man. I hear people say shit like, "music touches me" but I never really thought about it. I mean...it really feels like the music touched me. So. That might sound a little weird but I wanted to see if anyone else had a song that touched them. Ok. Back to class.

Tommy "never on time" Schubert

Ok..up until now I haven't been able to understand the type of guy (or girl) that would actively seek out a prostitute. I'm not talking about drug induced screw-ups. Ya know "oh shit...you're a prostitute?! " I'm talking about "Hmmm...I think instead of mowing the lawn I'm going to go out and hook up with a prostitute."

Ok...so I basically have thought, in the past, that wanting to hook up with a prostitute was something someone could easily avoid simply by spanking it with some regularity. I figured it took a special kind of laxed moral center that I just couldn't share in. I figured that I would never even consider it. Spoiler: This story does NOT end with me banging a prostitute, stop freaking out. Basically I have been...innundated the last couple days with pervasive sexual undertones that will never ammount to anything. It's been an odd couple days.

So, it started with getting impli-vited to a threesome. That was fucking weird...but I just don't share. It's not in my nature, so I had to politely turn her down. Then I bump into three georgeous women who flirted with me but were and remain completely unavailable. I really hate that by the way...if you have a boyfriend, would you mind being an overwhelming bitch to me? Really. I really want that. Just because you're married/taken and I'm "safe" doesn't make it ok to make a pass at me. It's not cool and just makes things worse. Ok...tangent. Sorry about that. So I had just finished hanging out at Starbucks where I was reading my novel. Just finished a pretty steamy sex scene, and finished trying to get the hot chick that flirts with me there to go away. She mentioned she had a boyfriend but didn't let that stop her from doing her thing and continue flirting. I had to get outta there. I jump in my car and I head to Gamestop. I had a setlist on my music player already going and it changes over from hellogoodbye to...yup...Lords of Acid. I roll my eyes and just take it like a man. There's nothing like being horny/lonely/depressed/bored and listening to Lords of Acid. It's like your eye itching and then trying to scratch it with a frenzied cat that's only eaten blocks of cocaine for the last three hours.

So anyway...I'm heading to Gamestop with the intention of getting a game to calm me down and settle my situation. I get there and, of course, new employee is a knockout. Really cute as a button. I give her the "I hate my life" face and stick to 1-3 word answers in my "don't fuck with me" voice. It works. I get my shit and I leave. I have really had it at this point and I still haven't gone to get my workout. That's always TOTALLY devoid of hot chicks in sports bras and spandex being all sweaty...oh...wait..no, it's full of them. My bad. Fuck!

This is when it happens. I get in the car, Lords of Acid strikes back up again, and I think "FUCK! I'm seriously fucking sexually frustrated! I wish prostitutes were cheaper and hotter. Oh...shit...did I just think that? I gotta blog this!" and here I am. But before I got here I had a little time to analize where I was coming from and I think I might have a better understanding of why more men seak out prostitutes than women.

Prepair for speculation, unfounded bias and conjecture. If you can't handle it: go away.

I think there are a lot of men that say stuff like: "It's an itch I just can't stratch any other way." and ya know what? It's true, but it's not as simple as that, for me anyway. It really seemed to come from a place of loneliness. It might have literally lasted less than half a second but I wanted someone to hold onto, even for just a little bit. I was willing to have them lie to me and tell me they wanted to be there just as long as they smiled at me in the process. I wanted to look at someone and not have them get uncomfortable. I wanted someone to hear me tell them that they're beautiful and not tell me to fuck off. I wanted to get off and not feel like a loser because I had to do it myself. I wanted to look at what my friends have and say "I might not have a relationship but I can get one if I want." I wanted...something.

This isn't me being all sad and morbid. This is called intellectualizing. It's when you break something unpleasant or uncomfortable to talk about down to it's basics. You do more thinking about a subject than feeling. It lets you talk about it without it really coming out and sucking more. I do that a lot.

So, back to the thinking. For some men my age and older they just can't find women that want to be with them. It happens. It's a lot more difficult to find people that are like you when you only interact with your coworkers or the friends you have had for the last 15 years. Or maybe you're stuck in a marriage where the spark has gone out. Or maybe your spouse is like: "Yeah...we have our two kids and I really don't feel like making anymore. Why would I want to have sex?" (Please god, don't let this happen to me! I really don't want to divorce once I'm married.) So yeah. You have this itch in these situations that just can't be scratched any other way. So you start considering prostitutes. Maybe if this continues for 5 years or so you go ahead and take a trip to vegas. I get it now. Unfortunately.

But wait Tommy! You said something about explaining why women don't have the same problem!

Oh right. Man this is a long post. Sorry people I've been thinking about chicks way more this summer than last. I guess that's a good thing, but really? Pining is easier to deal with.

So I was thinking that this doesn't happen to chicks for a reason that's just as dynamic as the sexes. Sex works differently for women. Statistically they don't think about it as much as men do. There's point one. The vast majority of women take the role of prey rather than preditor when it comes to sex and relationships. They do a lot of running away and choosing who they are going to LET catch them. A lot of guys don't get this. If a girl wants to be caught? She'll be caught. Period. You really don't have much of a say in the matter really. Sex/relationships are usually an absurd amount of effort from men to get it started and very little from women. They are in control. They are the persuee and they can run as fast or as slow as they want, or stop altogether. And that brings me to my point. Chick wants straight sex? Give her an outfit with a low neck line, a condom, and 3 hours and she'll come back sexed. Gay sex? Wear anything or nothing, drive down to sue ellens, tell the first person you meet that you want some sex, done.

But this just isn't how they work all the time. Sex just doesn't work like that for most women. They want at least some level of comittment. But that's not the biggest reason women don't persue as many prostitutes as men. The biggest reason is that they are a LOT more patient about it. I've met women that have literally all but shut off their sexuality. I don't know many/any men that can do that. That's an advantage in so many ways. Man...maybe I don't need a prostitute...maybe I just need to become a woman.

Ok...I've put off working out a little too long. It's time to go and beat myself up both physically and mentally.

Hey! If you were offended reading this for some reason would you PLEASE remember that I warned you and that this is coming from a dark place that has nothing to do with you. Thanks :)

Tommy "come on PSP, blank my mind!" Schubert

Man I'm kinda hoping this is a fleeting thing. I really don't know if I can handle owning a Vespa. This is a bug I have caught in the past and one that I will probably catch again but this time it's strong. Kinda scares me. Last time I had a LOT of pressure not to get one and this time I really just don't have much of any. I'm a little more realistic than to run out and buy one off ebay (one of the only places to get the years I want) without checking up on what I'm getting. That and I'm a little more money conscious than to blow a couple grand on something I don't need when I have next to nothing in savings. Anyway. Just wanted to come out here, show off my dream scooter and leave you all to pool together your money and get it for me for my 30th birthday. Ya know...just saying ;)

Tommy "Just kidding!! Or AM I?" Schubert

We'll I'm so close to the end of my required courses that I can taste it. There's a problem, of course. The class I've been taking on multiculturalism actually has been a bit of an issue. During this class I have made more idiot mistakes than I ever have in my life. First things first, I received my first failing grade on a test. The test in question? There were three duplicate questions and several insanely ambiguous sets of answers. The test was NOT a good test. I have made several dozen tests in my time and I can tell you right here that if any of my tests had looked like that they would have been vetoed by administration and thrown out on the spot. Regardless my 66 went into the grade book. I double check to see what I have coming up that might compensate. Let's see...final exam and two papers. No problem let's just check the paper deadlines. Ok...says one is due July 1st and the other...shit...seriously? Two days ago? Man...I'm so fucked. Luckily the big and past due paper was actually optional. Dodged a bullet there but I tend to do the optional stuff so I wasn't happy with myself. Flash forward!

So that was the 22nd of June and quite a while ago. I've had the time to email my professor who doesn't seem into replying to any emails. I have since decided that I just needed to do my best on the final and the last paper. So the second to last week of class comes around. Read four chapters. Check. Assignment? None. Odd. Then the last week of class comes around. I hit the online class page thinking that the final will be posted and I can put it on my calender and get a sense of how I need to pace myself. Nothing. No assignment and no lecture and no reading. Very odd. The class forums are on fire wondering where the exam is and what the hell is going on with the class. Oh wait! I finally have a reply to my original email from weeks ago! Oh...nevermind it's not a reply it's a mass email to the entire class. Just a couple sentences. No final. Email him if you're worried about your grade. Great. Fuck.

So here I am trying to slam out a reaction paper to the book I read. Ugh. If I don't pass this class I'm going to rain hell on this professor. Anyway. Later people.

Tommy "Frick! I hate me some online courses!" Schubert