Sunday, July 06, 2008
I get it now
Ok..up until now I haven't been able to understand the type of guy (or girl) that would actively seek out a prostitute. I'm not talking about drug induced screw-ups. Ya know "oh shit...you're a prostitute?! " I'm talking about "Hmmm...I think instead of mowing the lawn I'm going to go out and hook up with a prostitute."
Ok...so I basically have thought, in the past, that wanting to hook up with a prostitute was something someone could easily avoid simply by spanking it with some regularity. I figured it took a special kind of laxed moral center that I just couldn't share in. I figured that I would never even consider it. Spoiler: This story does NOT end with me banging a prostitute, stop freaking out. Basically I have been...innundated the last couple days with pervasive sexual undertones that will never ammount to anything. It's been an odd couple days.
So, it started with getting impli-vited to a threesome. That was fucking weird...but I just don't share. It's not in my nature, so I had to politely turn her down. Then I bump into three georgeous women who flirted with me but were and remain completely unavailable. I really hate that by the way...if you have a boyfriend, would you mind being an overwhelming bitch to me? Really. I really want that. Just because you're married/taken and I'm "safe" doesn't make it ok to make a pass at me. It's not cool and just makes things worse. Ok...tangent. Sorry about that. So I had just finished hanging out at Starbucks where I was reading my novel. Just finished a pretty steamy sex scene, and finished trying to get the hot chick that flirts with me there to go away. She mentioned she had a boyfriend but didn't let that stop her from doing her thing and continue flirting. I had to get outta there. I jump in my car and I head to Gamestop. I had a setlist on my music player already going and it changes over from hellogoodbye to...yup...Lords of Acid. I roll my eyes and just take it like a man. There's nothing like being horny/lonely/depressed/bored and listening to Lords of Acid. It's like your eye itching and then trying to scratch it with a frenzied cat that's only eaten blocks of cocaine for the last three hours.
So anyway...I'm heading to Gamestop with the intention of getting a game to calm me down and settle my situation. I get there and, of course, new employee is a knockout. Really cute as a button. I give her the "I hate my life" face and stick to 1-3 word answers in my "don't fuck with me" voice. It works. I get my shit and I leave. I have really had it at this point and I still haven't gone to get my workout. That's always TOTALLY devoid of hot chicks in sports bras and spandex being all sweaty...oh...wait..no, it's full of them. My bad. Fuck!
This is when it happens. I get in the car, Lords of Acid strikes back up again, and I think "FUCK! I'm seriously fucking sexually frustrated! I wish prostitutes were cheaper and hotter. Oh...shit...did I just think that? I gotta blog this!" and here I am. But before I got here I had a little time to analize where I was coming from and I think I might have a better understanding of why more men seak out prostitutes than women.
Prepair for speculation, unfounded bias and conjecture. If you can't handle it: go away.
I think there are a lot of men that say stuff like: "It's an itch I just can't stratch any other way." and ya know what? It's true, but it's not as simple as that, for me anyway. It really seemed to come from a place of loneliness. It might have literally lasted less than half a second but I wanted someone to hold onto, even for just a little bit. I was willing to have them lie to me and tell me they wanted to be there just as long as they smiled at me in the process. I wanted to look at someone and not have them get uncomfortable. I wanted someone to hear me tell them that they're beautiful and not tell me to fuck off. I wanted to get off and not feel like a loser because I had to do it myself. I wanted to look at what my friends have and say "I might not have a relationship but I can get one if I want." I wanted...something.
This isn't me being all sad and morbid. This is called intellectualizing. It's when you break something unpleasant or uncomfortable to talk about down to it's basics. You do more thinking about a subject than feeling. It lets you talk about it without it really coming out and sucking more. I do that a lot.
So, back to the thinking. For some men my age and older they just can't find women that want to be with them. It happens. It's a lot more difficult to find people that are like you when you only interact with your coworkers or the friends you have had for the last 15 years. Or maybe you're stuck in a marriage where the spark has gone out. Or maybe your spouse is like: "Yeah...we have our two kids and I really don't feel like making anymore. Why would I want to have sex?" (Please god, don't let this happen to me! I really don't want to divorce once I'm married.) So yeah. You have this itch in these situations that just can't be scratched any other way. So you start considering prostitutes. Maybe if this continues for 5 years or so you go ahead and take a trip to vegas. I get it now. Unfortunately.
But wait Tommy! You said something about explaining why women don't have the same problem!
Oh right. Man this is a long post. Sorry people I've been thinking about chicks way more this summer than last. I guess that's a good thing, but really? Pining is easier to deal with.
So I was thinking that this doesn't happen to chicks for a reason that's just as dynamic as the sexes. Sex works differently for women. Statistically they don't think about it as much as men do. There's point one. The vast majority of women take the role of prey rather than preditor when it comes to sex and relationships. They do a lot of running away and choosing who they are going to LET catch them. A lot of guys don't get this. If a girl wants to be caught? She'll be caught. Period. You really don't have much of a say in the matter really. Sex/relationships are usually an absurd amount of effort from men to get it started and very little from women. They are in control. They are the persuee and they can run as fast or as slow as they want, or stop altogether. And that brings me to my point. Chick wants straight sex? Give her an outfit with a low neck line, a condom, and 3 hours and she'll come back sexed. Gay sex? Wear anything or nothing, drive down to sue ellens, tell the first person you meet that you want some sex, done.
But this just isn't how they work all the time. Sex just doesn't work like that for most women. They want at least some level of comittment. But that's not the biggest reason women don't persue as many prostitutes as men. The biggest reason is that they are a LOT more patient about it. I've met women that have literally all but shut off their sexuality. I don't know many/any men that can do that. That's an advantage in so many ways. Man...maybe I don't need a prostitute...maybe I just need to become a woman.
Ok...I've put off working out a little too long. It's time to go and beat myself up both physically and mentally.
Hey! If you were offended reading this for some reason would you PLEASE remember that I warned you and that this is coming from a dark place that has nothing to do with you. Thanks :)
Tommy "come on PSP, blank my mind!" Schubert
Ok...so I basically have thought, in the past, that wanting to hook up with a prostitute was something someone could easily avoid simply by spanking it with some regularity. I figured it took a special kind of laxed moral center that I just couldn't share in. I figured that I would never even consider it. Spoiler: This story does NOT end with me banging a prostitute, stop freaking out. Basically I have been...innundated the last couple days with pervasive sexual undertones that will never ammount to anything. It's been an odd couple days.
So, it started with getting impli-vited to a threesome. That was fucking weird...but I just don't share. It's not in my nature, so I had to politely turn her down. Then I bump into three georgeous women who flirted with me but were and remain completely unavailable. I really hate that by the way...if you have a boyfriend, would you mind being an overwhelming bitch to me? Really. I really want that. Just because you're married/taken and I'm "safe" doesn't make it ok to make a pass at me. It's not cool and just makes things worse. Ok...tangent. Sorry about that. So I had just finished hanging out at Starbucks where I was reading my novel. Just finished a pretty steamy sex scene, and finished trying to get the hot chick that flirts with me there to go away. She mentioned she had a boyfriend but didn't let that stop her from doing her thing and continue flirting. I had to get outta there. I jump in my car and I head to Gamestop. I had a setlist on my music player already going and it changes over from hellogoodbye to...yup...Lords of Acid. I roll my eyes and just take it like a man. There's nothing like being horny/lonely/depressed/bored and listening to Lords of Acid. It's like your eye itching and then trying to scratch it with a frenzied cat that's only eaten blocks of cocaine for the last three hours.
So anyway...I'm heading to Gamestop with the intention of getting a game to calm me down and settle my situation. I get there and, of course, new employee is a knockout. Really cute as a button. I give her the "I hate my life" face and stick to 1-3 word answers in my "don't fuck with me" voice. It works. I get my shit and I leave. I have really had it at this point and I still haven't gone to get my workout. That's always TOTALLY devoid of hot chicks in sports bras and spandex being all sweaty...oh...wait..no, it's full of them. My bad. Fuck!
This is when it happens. I get in the car, Lords of Acid strikes back up again, and I think "FUCK! I'm seriously fucking sexually frustrated! I wish prostitutes were cheaper and hotter. Oh...shit...did I just think that? I gotta blog this!" and here I am. But before I got here I had a little time to analize where I was coming from and I think I might have a better understanding of why more men seak out prostitutes than women.
Prepair for speculation, unfounded bias and conjecture. If you can't handle it: go away.
I think there are a lot of men that say stuff like: "It's an itch I just can't stratch any other way." and ya know what? It's true, but it's not as simple as that, for me anyway. It really seemed to come from a place of loneliness. It might have literally lasted less than half a second but I wanted someone to hold onto, even for just a little bit. I was willing to have them lie to me and tell me they wanted to be there just as long as they smiled at me in the process. I wanted to look at someone and not have them get uncomfortable. I wanted someone to hear me tell them that they're beautiful and not tell me to fuck off. I wanted to get off and not feel like a loser because I had to do it myself. I wanted to look at what my friends have and say "I might not have a relationship but I can get one if I want." I wanted...something.
This isn't me being all sad and morbid. This is called intellectualizing. It's when you break something unpleasant or uncomfortable to talk about down to it's basics. You do more thinking about a subject than feeling. It lets you talk about it without it really coming out and sucking more. I do that a lot.
So, back to the thinking. For some men my age and older they just can't find women that want to be with them. It happens. It's a lot more difficult to find people that are like you when you only interact with your coworkers or the friends you have had for the last 15 years. Or maybe you're stuck in a marriage where the spark has gone out. Or maybe your spouse is like: "Yeah...we have our two kids and I really don't feel like making anymore. Why would I want to have sex?" (Please god, don't let this happen to me! I really don't want to divorce once I'm married.) So yeah. You have this itch in these situations that just can't be scratched any other way. So you start considering prostitutes. Maybe if this continues for 5 years or so you go ahead and take a trip to vegas. I get it now. Unfortunately.
But wait Tommy! You said something about explaining why women don't have the same problem!
Oh right. Man this is a long post. Sorry people I've been thinking about chicks way more this summer than last. I guess that's a good thing, but really? Pining is easier to deal with.
So I was thinking that this doesn't happen to chicks for a reason that's just as dynamic as the sexes. Sex works differently for women. Statistically they don't think about it as much as men do. There's point one. The vast majority of women take the role of prey rather than preditor when it comes to sex and relationships. They do a lot of running away and choosing who they are going to LET catch them. A lot of guys don't get this. If a girl wants to be caught? She'll be caught. Period. You really don't have much of a say in the matter really. Sex/relationships are usually an absurd amount of effort from men to get it started and very little from women. They are in control. They are the persuee and they can run as fast or as slow as they want, or stop altogether. And that brings me to my point. Chick wants straight sex? Give her an outfit with a low neck line, a condom, and 3 hours and she'll come back sexed. Gay sex? Wear anything or nothing, drive down to sue ellens, tell the first person you meet that you want some sex, done.
But this just isn't how they work all the time. Sex just doesn't work like that for most women. They want at least some level of comittment. But that's not the biggest reason women don't persue as many prostitutes as men. The biggest reason is that they are a LOT more patient about it. I've met women that have literally all but shut off their sexuality. I don't know many/any men that can do that. That's an advantage in so many ways. Man...maybe I don't need a prostitute...maybe I just need to become a woman.
Ok...I've put off working out a little too long. It's time to go and beat myself up both physically and mentally.
Hey! If you were offended reading this for some reason would you PLEASE remember that I warned you and that this is coming from a dark place that has nothing to do with you. Thanks :)
Tommy "come on PSP, blank my mind!" Schubert
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