The Roulette Wheel

So I keep hearing all this shit about how this new designer drug called, of all things, cheese, has been blasting through the north Texas area. I just don't mean blasting through the adults, though they aren't immune, I mean that children are dying from overdoses on this thing. It's our old friend black tar heroine combined with heavy duty cold tablets. Timberlawn, a MH and rehab center, has been seeing preteens in their facility addicted to the stuff. Elementary school students are dying from it. Since I'm in the position to have to deal with some of these addicts it's very frustrating. Very very frustrating. For those of you that have a bit of a psychology background we're talking about kids that have only recently left the preoperational stage of development and moved onto the concrete operational stage and in some cases haven't even left the pre-op stage! They don't know a god damn thing about consequences of actions and are basically so focused on themselves that it's actually listed as a quality of someone their age. And it's frustrating when you are trying to explain the consequences of the drug when they don't care. Frustrating when they can't muster enough empathy to see what their drug use is doing to their family. Fuck fuck fuck. You know what? It's actually so frustrating that it makes people like me think things we really shouldn't. Darwin, Swift, somewhere, somehow they are relevent here. I see now that Swift's modest proposal was not just written to be humorous but it was written out of frustration too. Tired of listening to the plight of a people that wouldn't help themselves and a whole segment of the population that just wouldn't stop bitching about those people just trying to survive. It must have been hard listening to all that all the time. No one standing up. No one taking blame. No one doing anything but pointing fingers. I feel like Mr Swift today and I'm going to use Darwin's theory to say my peace.

Let them die in their beds. Hell promote the drug! Pass it out in schools! Give them all the information they want about the drug TELL them it's going to kill them. They'll still take it and for some kids it's not even going to slow them down. But here is how this is going to help: eventually, the death toll is going to level off. The kids that are fucking stupid enough to take the drug are eventually going to overdose and die and the majority of the kids that are going to be left are simply going to be superior. More suited for survival. This will probably even reduce the teen pregnancy rate! Wouldn't that be awesome?! Here's for pushing deadly drugs on students in order to cull the morons from the gene pool!!! :P

Anyway...I don't really believe this...but it crosses my mind sometimes. And everytime it does it hurts a little. And I just hate the that this is happening and there is nothing to do but throw up my hands and scream "Fuck!!"

Tommy "Mmm eating babies" Schubert

Ya know. It's been a long time since i've been in a healthy relationship. First several years with kel were great, no lie! But somewhere along the line she turned into a different person. She started caring too much about her looks, started to stagnate in her future prospects, he drive, her spontaneity started to wane and her general depression and frustration with everything started to wax. I was going through old pictures with Jessica yesterday and I came to a realization. Kelley became someone else. When she left she simply wasn't the person I met all those years ago anymore. It was a different smile in those photos from so long ago. She was happier. Now she was someone hard, sad and unhappy with herself. Sure she looked happy on the outside to those who didn't know her as well as I did but on the inside? Lost. It's her birthday tomorrow. She'll be 27. Late twenties. I hope her birthday finds her happier with herself than last year's did. I hope it finds her un-lost. Happy Birthday kel.

I've recently found myself thinking about how this thing with Jessica is really my first relationship with an adult. It's been different, but different good. We both have goals, we're both after them already, we both have unwavering interests, and we're both taking it slow. It's really neat. What's funny? I think we are both looking at eachother like the other is too good to be true. Staying wary. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. But since we're both doing it, we just look like two timid idiots when we're together. But somehow I think that's a good thing. I don't want another relationship where I have to do so much adapting with no adaptation in return. It's nice to be with someone that, quite simply, already fits my ideal for a woman. It's more than just refreshing, it's amazing. Not only that! She professes to be as accomodating as I am, I still don't think that's possible, but it would be nice to have some real give and take.

I just felt like posting. Been real contemplative lately with the combination of things going so well with Jessica and kel's birthday coming up. I haven't been thinking about kel much since I met Jessica. She seems to wipe kel out of my mind, then my phone reminded me of her birthday a couple days ago and I just got to thinking. My conclusion? (and I've done the appropiate consulting) Jessica is simply better. I guess that's how relationships work really. I tend to continue to upgrade (sorry Heather and Karin!) or at least continue to remain level in quality. I can't say anything official yet (yes it's been a month for those playing along at home. I'm going slowly remember?) but Jessica is almost definately an upgrade. She's not nuts in any way (no more nutters for me thanks) and we have so much in common. And I don't mean weird coincidences like with kel, I mean we really like a lot of the same things. She was sick today and I went and pampered her a little and WHAT movie did she choose to watch??? Yeah...Kung Fu Hustle. I nearly died, then I nearly died again when she wrestled with herself over turning on the dubbing. There are a lot of these moments when I'm just staring at her in surprise, disbelief and glee. And I'm pretty sure that's a good thing. :)

Tommy "wonder when I'm going to give Jessica the URL to this site?" Schubert

Yeah let me explain this picture real quick. Oh wait. Ya know what? It's fine. Just read it and laugh to yourselves. :)

So. Had me a damn awesome weekend. Spent a lot of time with Jessica. She's special. I know it's lame to say that but she is. I'm taking it real slow not just because I'm still smarting from Kelley's breakup but well...that's just how special she is. I don't want to make any mistakes. But in a relationship there isn't a such thing as a mistake really. I mean, hear me out, it's not a mistake to stick your dick in another chick or "oops! I just sucked off a stranger!"...it's a choice. But that's a minor distinction and not really where I was headed with that one. The point is more that you ARE the choices you make. So if you make a shitty choice that's really just you being you. But anyway...she's a little too good to be true at this point. So I'm really protecting myself on this one. I don't want to get hurt. And if this is true? Yeah...then this might very well be a keeper. Time will tell.

Tommy "this is all rather surreal" Schubert

So it's talk like a pirate day. I've been trying but it's not a very conducive day for pirating. The seas are a little too calm for a good keel hawling. That and have you ever tried to teach with a pirate voice? Sure you can for it for a bit but after a while you just get tired of it. Really! I'm not coping out! It's kinds taxing and when you talk all day it's a little much. So I'm doing hall monitoring right now...not the most awesome job ever and there is really nothing for me to do.

Me: "do you have a pass?"
Them: "no, I'm at lunch."
Me: "ok. Please go back to the commons."

Rinse. Repeat. Slit wrists.

Tommy "things are going...good" Schubert

So here I am taking a break from my other "job" and I walked past the daytime LIGHT counselor's office and saw this. You know what immediately came to mind? A smashing pumpkin's song. Tristessa. I looked up the lyrics just to refresh my memory and now the song is just that much more poignant. And that actually got me thinking about what's been going on with me lately. I don't have a new girlfirend by any stretch of the imagination but I have been seeing this same girl for a couple weeks now. It's been extra awkward. Fun, interesting but definitely awkward. The night of one of our better dates I had a horrible/awesome dream. Most of the dreams I have are like that these days so it wasn't a shocker really. It was basically a dream designed to make me feel horribly guilty. It almost worked. To keep a long description shorter: it was a dream where Kelley caught wind that I had started dating, got jealous(which is an emotion that's impossible for her to feel in the first place) and begged to get me back. Obviously this if pure fantasy as Kelley is essentially incapable of this but that wasn't the point. The point was that I was torn. With Kelley times were hot, or cold and we didn't share a lot of fun-time interests in common...and she was nuts, but just dating Jessica, even if it never works out, has shown me that there are chicks out there that enjoy exactly the same things I do and like me to boot and are about as far from crazy as Kelley was close to it! It's been an interesting experience and I'm curious to see where it leads. So here's to tristeza...and tristessa.

Tommy "it's more fun when you look up your own words in the Spanish dictionary" Schubert

Erin and Mike got a totally cool box with their HP7 book. Assholes.





Of all the Jelly Bellies in the world I dislike buttered popcorn the most. I have never understood why everyone else likes them. They don't taste anything like buttered popcorn, but THEY get a jumbo box you can buy? That's bullshit.





So I picked this one up. Yeah...you would think it would be informative but there wasn't a single chapter on why my joints creek or why my hip and kidney hurt so bad. Fucking worthless.





Man...I'm so jealous.






I think I would do this all day if I could. And I KNOW Jordan would probably never leave the house.





My students like me. This is from the end of last year and from one of my students that didn't pass...but they still like me :)





How MUCH do they like me? This is my film class...I can make them do anything.






Ted's Escort FINALLY hits 100k. Rejoice!





Dave's cute kitten tried to drink my Slurpee...it's not to cute anymore without it's skin.





This one doesn't need a caption.





This one's for an estranged friend. Took the picture and thought she might like it...but I respected her wishes enough to never send it. Oh well.


So I wanted to post my little thing about what this is all about at the top but I forgot to put some carriage returns on the page before I posted the first picture. Oh well. Those are my pictures and the mostly speak for themselves. I'm 29 now. Birthday was a while ago. I'm going to try and get back into blogging...but frankly I have 65 hour work weeks so that seems a little impractical. But then again I'm always looking for an excuse not to work when I really should be :)

Tommy "Allergies? You're Back? Where have you been?! I was worried sick!" Schubert

Things are going really well with Jessica. Even if this doesn't work out at all I'll simply have to admit that there ARE dorky chicks out there. We're talking videogame player (mostly sticks to critically acclaimed adventure titles), fantasy reader/writer, sci-fi TV show watcher, D&D player, small collection of comics (mostly Neil Gaiman) , Harry Potter reader, Hot but not stressed about looking hot. Four dates and I'm seen VERY limited make-up, light drinker, non-smoker, no tattoos or piercings...and last but not least: a radiant smile. What else can I say? She's great! But I'm still a little cold inside so I worry that I'm going to screw this up somehow...but it's still a super young relationship...but it's going well. Very well.

Tommy "warming up" Schubert

I'm seeing Heather's show and this is the set. They are just getting right out there aren't they? Dating update sometime this weekend. Things are going kinda well I guess. At least she's not a nut!

Tommy "older women FTW" Schubert