The Roulette Wheel

Ya know. It's been a long time since i've been in a healthy relationship. First several years with kel were great, no lie! But somewhere along the line she turned into a different person. She started caring too much about her looks, started to stagnate in her future prospects, he drive, her spontaneity started to wane and her general depression and frustration with everything started to wax. I was going through old pictures with Jessica yesterday and I came to a realization. Kelley became someone else. When she left she simply wasn't the person I met all those years ago anymore. It was a different smile in those photos from so long ago. She was happier. Now she was someone hard, sad and unhappy with herself. Sure she looked happy on the outside to those who didn't know her as well as I did but on the inside? Lost. It's her birthday tomorrow. She'll be 27. Late twenties. I hope her birthday finds her happier with herself than last year's did. I hope it finds her un-lost. Happy Birthday kel.

I've recently found myself thinking about how this thing with Jessica is really my first relationship with an adult. It's been different, but different good. We both have goals, we're both after them already, we both have unwavering interests, and we're both taking it slow. It's really neat. What's funny? I think we are both looking at eachother like the other is too good to be true. Staying wary. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. But since we're both doing it, we just look like two timid idiots when we're together. But somehow I think that's a good thing. I don't want another relationship where I have to do so much adapting with no adaptation in return. It's nice to be with someone that, quite simply, already fits my ideal for a woman. It's more than just refreshing, it's amazing. Not only that! She professes to be as accomodating as I am, I still don't think that's possible, but it would be nice to have some real give and take.

I just felt like posting. Been real contemplative lately with the combination of things going so well with Jessica and kel's birthday coming up. I haven't been thinking about kel much since I met Jessica. She seems to wipe kel out of my mind, then my phone reminded me of her birthday a couple days ago and I just got to thinking. My conclusion? (and I've done the appropiate consulting) Jessica is simply better. I guess that's how relationships work really. I tend to continue to upgrade (sorry Heather and Karin!) or at least continue to remain level in quality. I can't say anything official yet (yes it's been a month for those playing along at home. I'm going slowly remember?) but Jessica is almost definately an upgrade. She's not nuts in any way (no more nutters for me thanks) and we have so much in common. And I don't mean weird coincidences like with kel, I mean we really like a lot of the same things. She was sick today and I went and pampered her a little and WHAT movie did she choose to watch??? Yeah...Kung Fu Hustle. I nearly died, then I nearly died again when she wrestled with herself over turning on the dubbing. There are a lot of these moments when I'm just staring at her in surprise, disbelief and glee. And I'm pretty sure that's a good thing. :)

Tommy "wonder when I'm going to give Jessica the URL to this site?" Schubert