The Roulette Wheel

Ok so Mike and Erin just left yesterday. I was sad during the time I wasn't writing a paper or alseep. Hmmm...wait. Did I have time to be sad at all yesterday? I guess not. Anyway. That's not an insult in any way I just don't think it's hit me yet that they are gone. Mike was here over a week and let me tell you: that was the best week I've had all summer and possibly all year! I haven't had more fun with Mike visiting or even just hanging out in YEARS. I shit you not. I don't know exactly what it's due to but I'll have to think about it a little more or discuss it a little more in person but there was just something about this visit in general. I think it was the utter absence of scheduling that really drove it home for me. It really took the pressure off of seeing them and getting face time. He was just here. Wanted to hang out whenever doing whatever and it was The Awesome. Really. I know Mike reads this so this isn't just fan service (like this blog could have FANS! HA!) but I do want him and Erin both to know that this week was the most fun I have had with them in years. No pressure = The Awesome. Maybe that should be a trend for further visits here and when visiting other friends. Huh? ;) Anyway. I just finished paper one of two for the next48 hours so I'm off to get two hours of sleep, 4 hours of class, 4 more hours of sleep and then who knows! :) Keep your fingers crossed that another date happens sometime this week. But then again I suppose I should maybe ask her out again before that's going to happen? We'll see.

Tommy "Put me back in!!!!!" Schubert

I have been thinking about why I cry lately. Well. Much like almost every other post, I've started in the middle of my thought and have to backtract. So here goes: I was watching the sex and the city movie the other day and I got "emotional" several times. All happy cries so not that big a deal. Happens all the time for me. Then I started thinking about the last time I cried over something sad. I'm sure you all remember. But that was a decently long while ago. I've cried a whole bunch since then...just not over anything sad. I have never really cried at a funeral (hence why I'm ALWAYS the Paul Bearer) and I just got to thinking why I cry so easily at happy things and not sad. So I dug a little deeper. What's the real difference? Is there something connecting or contrasting about the two more than the obvious? And I THINK I came up with something. Long-time readers are going to sense a theme and then remember that my chosen counseling theory is based on this: choice. When I cry, in general, it's because of someone's choice, be it happy OR sad. Someone chooses to give up an organ for a friend? Crying. Someone chooses to get on a plane and fly halfway around the world just to kiss someone else and ask them to marry them? Crying. Someone choosing to give a rousing speech about their two best friends getting hitched to each other (cough!)? Bawling! You get the idea.

I think I'm probably right here, but I suppose I could be wrong. I guess I just like to think that there are things you can't control and things you can. And you shouldn't worry about what you can't. Yes yes, I understand that given enough time and omnipotence you can choose to change any outcome, but I'm thinking a little more realistically here. My happy cries seem to come from things requiring direct human intervention, and so do my sad ones. I guess I've simply subconsciously learned the universal truth: "shit happens"

Tommy "received what some would call the holy grail last night" Schubert

Ok...so I've been a little quiet for the last couple weeks for a pretty decent reason. First of all I was finishing my school for the kids. Really snuck up on me actually. I was still kinda dicking around and then BAM! School's over. It was fucked up. Anyway. School's over for the third year. Third graduation attended. Third set of students to whom I've had to say goodbye. That's never fun. But the main reason I haven't been around to the blog is because summer school started a week before school ended so I've been a little more than the normal busy. This week has been weird. Hell! Last Thursday was the weirdest! It was the day after school let out and I had nothing to do. Nothing. I nearly ate my fucking arm off! I watched movies, played video games, watched some anime, went to starbucks, went to The Fillmore...fuck...I did everything I could and I was going stir-crazy. I had only been in the summer for one day...this summer was going to be rough. It's almost a week later and I dread almost every afternoon. It doesn't help that my class is LITERALLY a 4 hour lecture on algebra I level math. Makes we want to claw out my eyeballs...but as soon as it's over that's it. Nothing else to do for the day. Ugh.

I'm just getting tired of being alone I think. This happens every once in a while especially when I see movies that really hit me in the gut. This time it was a double whammy. My final film to my favorite class (had them two years and I love every one of them) was of course my favorite film of all time. Amelie. It reminds me of a lot of things. Good and bad....but the only bad things it reminds me of are actually good...they just aren't around anymore. My second whammy was the Sex and the City movie this weekend. I didn't get to share it with whom I would have liked but Amanda Hoffman was a good movie buddy and I loved the film. Just too many reminders. Anyway...I get a lot of comments on being so busy. I've heard everything. I get, "you trying to kill yourself??!!" a lot...but no...I'm just trying to stay cool, and when I have so little personal time I actually barely get 5 hours sleep a night? Yeah...there's just no time to think in there...thank god. Course...right now...little too much time to think.

I'm thinking about getting out, joining some local clubs, hooking up with some volunteer organizations...just anything to get out of the house. I'm a little tired of hanging out at bars and reading. Costs a lot of money and just doesn't really do much for me anymore. I used to think I would get out and meet people doing that but the only people I get to know are the bartenders and the waitresses and they just aren't accessible outside of the bar so what's the point?

Anyway...just lamenting a little and trying a cathartic approach (as usual because it works) to talk a little about how much I love and hate the summer. Anyway...time to watch a movie(Angel A, Botched)...or maybe hit the bar and start my next book (Snow Crash)...or play some more games(Mass Effect, GTA4, Ratchet and Clank: Size Matters). It keeps me from doing something stupid....ok...now...don't freak out! I don't mean REALLY stupid I just mean normal stupid...ya know...like involving the misuse of a phone or email.

Anyway...I'm out to do my thing. Take it easy people and give Moen a call! He's all by his lonesome in Dayton and he needs love calls! I know he reads this, so sorry if you get a bunch of calls mate...no I won't make out with you :)

Tommy "Once again, posting avoids tragedy!" Schubert