The Roulette Wheel

And you aren't going to believe this but it's not brains that I crave! I'm no zombie, but I was doing a little thinking a couple minutes ago and bouncing some things off Erin L. 's head and I came to what I think might be a new theory on how I feel right now. That's always fun. We keep coming back to subjects like this but that's just how things are. Women. I was talking with Erin when I realized that I don't want a girlfriend, I don't need a girlfriend and I wouldn't necessarily like a girlfriend. I crave a girlfriend.

What' s the difference? Well...think of it like this: a person that quits smoking in the correct and most beneficial way just doesn't want to smoke anymore. For the first little while, relative to how long they were a smoker, they will still get the craving for a smoke. It will wax and wane relative to circumstance and there will be those times when they just put themselves in the situations they used to be in when the smoked but this time they just won't. Call it a test, call it nostalgia or just call it hanging out with their friends, but any way you swing it they will crave that cigarette. They don't logically want it and they definitely don't need it, but they can just feel something inside them that craves it. It goes away after a while and they stop thinking about it but for that relative length of time they still crave it whenever it comes up in conversation or they have a good meal or a good fuck or just smell it on someone. That's why I think the word "crave" describes how I'm feeling about girlfriends right now. I know I can't afford the time for one and I can't afford the emotional involvement for one but I crave one anyway. I make the constant logical choice not to have one but I crave one anyway.

Anyway. Just need to come here and lay out how I was feeling at the moment. It helps to straighten out my thoughts. I hope it all makes sense but I really don't need it to. :) Tootles people! Time to get back to studying!

Tommy "and by studying I mean showering and then watching a movie!" Schubert

Hi everyone. This is a punk-rocker's Wii purchase request. No More Heroes, go purchase it this Wednesday when it comes out. This game is going to be awesome and has been getting excellent reviews all over the place. If you have a Wii and you don't know what I'm talking about go ahead and check out the above link. Your characters name is Travis Touchdown and you won an eBay auction for a lightsaber, and your save points in the game are toilets. Oh! And it's made by the Killer7 guy. Do I really need to say anymore?

Tommy "Why god? Why did this game have to come out on the same week as my CPCE Test?" Schubert

Have you ever noticed that you ever so rarely get to reap what you sow in other people? I mean I know that's the way of things and there's no hope to change it, but I have at least done my best to assign credit where credit is due. I encourage more people to do that.

For instance: I wouldn't be punk rock if it weren't for two people. Brad and Erin. Brad introduced me to both rancid and bad religion. I was hooked. Erin just made it ten times worse by fostering those music tastes and showing me new bands into infinity.

Another example, this time kind of abstract: have you ever just suggested to someone to do something or told them they were pretty or told them something special about themselves? Were you around to see and experience your suggestion transform their life? Were you there to see them become a better person? See them finally proud of who they are? Make out with them after they went from mousey to beautiful? Most likely not. Very very slim chance of that one. And I guess that's part of what I'm talking about. I teach and I do what I can to turn my students into better people. But in four years I'll never see them again.

I don't know. It's hard to express what I'm thinking on this one without either sounding like a creep or just not making sense. So I'm going to stop now. Later!

Tommy "definately NOT reaping what I've sown" Schubert

Take a closer look at the picture below. I was looking for my books for my next class and was directed to the psychology section of the half price book store downtown. Yeah. That's right psych and counseling? It's in the back with the occult books. Sigh.

Tommy "sitting in the personal success section" Schubert

So several of you know that I caught a disease from Kel before she left. It's shifted my lifestyle a little and forced me to change several things in my life. Yes that's right...I give a shit about style. Actually I give more than a shit about it. It's one of my favorite things to think about and talk about these days. I watch the shows that I can for fun and well...things are just sticking in my head. It's fun and interesting and I definitely know a lot about fashion at this point but being a guy and straight I have a lot of people looking at me sideways when I get going on a tangent about bra sizing or what kind of jeans to wear depending on what shape you are. It's interesting and surprisingly simple. But anyway...that's not really the point. The point is more that I've gotten into a large number of shows out there and have just added a new one. I've only watched one episode and already it's on probation. It's called..."Make Me a Supermodel". Usually I don't do the modeling side of things but I thought I would give it a shot. So far it really just makes me hate pretty people. Ok...let me back up again. I'm not a hot guy. I know I'm not. It's not really that big of a deal and I think I'm hot enough for myself. I don't turn heads, I don't get sultry looks from strangers, and I have a bitch of a time finding clothes that look good on me, but out of all this I think I like it that way. I almost feel bad for pretty people sometimes. They constantly have to worry about what they look like and their appearance gets in the way of people liking them for who they are, and occasionally their appearance reaches obsession level. Just watched a show on young people getting plastic surgery and I've had a little experience with pretty people getting obsessed with what they look like. Anyway...just wanted to talk about that for a little bit. I hope everyone looks in the mirror and sees what they want to see.

Tommy "I'd do me" Schubert

EDIT: Ok...we're taking me a little too literally here. The disease is a passion for fashion. That is all.