The Roulette Wheel

And you aren't going to believe this but it's not brains that I crave! I'm no zombie, but I was doing a little thinking a couple minutes ago and bouncing some things off Erin L. 's head and I came to what I think might be a new theory on how I feel right now. That's always fun. We keep coming back to subjects like this but that's just how things are. Women. I was talking with Erin when I realized that I don't want a girlfriend, I don't need a girlfriend and I wouldn't necessarily like a girlfriend. I crave a girlfriend.

What' s the difference? Well...think of it like this: a person that quits smoking in the correct and most beneficial way just doesn't want to smoke anymore. For the first little while, relative to how long they were a smoker, they will still get the craving for a smoke. It will wax and wane relative to circumstance and there will be those times when they just put themselves in the situations they used to be in when the smoked but this time they just won't. Call it a test, call it nostalgia or just call it hanging out with their friends, but any way you swing it they will crave that cigarette. They don't logically want it and they definitely don't need it, but they can just feel something inside them that craves it. It goes away after a while and they stop thinking about it but for that relative length of time they still crave it whenever it comes up in conversation or they have a good meal or a good fuck or just smell it on someone. That's why I think the word "crave" describes how I'm feeling about girlfriends right now. I know I can't afford the time for one and I can't afford the emotional involvement for one but I crave one anyway. I make the constant logical choice not to have one but I crave one anyway.

Anyway. Just need to come here and lay out how I was feeling at the moment. It helps to straighten out my thoughts. I hope it all makes sense but I really don't need it to. :) Tootles people! Time to get back to studying!

Tommy "and by studying I mean showering and then watching a movie!" Schubert