Monday, November 01, 2004
Coin Flip, Acid Trip
Hey...believe it or not the post is going to be more important than the news today and since I don't have that much time to talk you can probably expect the news to come either later today or tomorrow. On with the show.
Have you ever wanted something so bad you could actually taste it? Feel it in your heart? Feel it in your hand? Have you ever wanted something that bad? I'm not just talking about objects. I'm talking about dream jobs, dream locations to live, dream friends, anything. Well did you get it? Good for you...but let's say you didn't get it. Let's say that it would be impossible to get without throwing away everything that makes you happy and taking a giant leap of faith. No way to insure if you're going to get what it is that you're leaping for. As a matter of fact before hand you KNOW that it's actually extremely unlikely to get what it is you want. But you can still taste it. You can still see it in your mind. You can imagine what it would be like if you had it and having it is the best you have ever felt in your life. Think about that for a minute. Feel what it is that you want. Know you can never have it. Try that. It kinda hurts inside doesn't it. Hurts right in the center of your chest. Or maybe puts a lump in your throat. That's what I want you all to think about today. Think about the potential for ultimate happiness and then think about the greatest cost for that happiness. Would you do it? Would you throw your life off your sholders like an old jacket and run for that cliff? Would you? Could you? I don't know the answer myself. I just wanted to talk about it.
What put this into my head? I'm not quite sure...but I think it was Lost in Translation. I have seen it a couple of times and I really like it. I think it's just about the loneliest movie I have ever seen in my life. I was in a contemplative state when I caught the last 20 minutes of it last night and the unheard things that Bill Murray says to the chick at the very end really stuck with me. Was he taking that leap? Was he arranging to meet her back in the states? Or was he just informing her that he's going to do the "right" thing and stick with the status quo. I don't know. I really don't know. They obviously had something special and his life back at home was obviously stagnating. It's just a really sad movie for me and that last scene and the expressions on the faces really stuck with me this time. Anyway...just wanted to talk about it a little. See what you guys think. But I would REALLY prefer that you thought about how the above paragraph pertains to your life and please don't relate it to Lost in Translation. I know that something like this has happened to everyone out there and I just wanted to know what you though. Thanks guys...I don't think I got enough sleep last night and thinking about deep and sappy bullshit is just what I do when that happens. I 've been a lump at work all morning with nothing to do but think about this. Anyway. Enjoy the exercise in personal pain and loss.
Music in my car as we speak: Ditto...yeah...I REALLY like that album(Herzfrequenz). But on days like this I really prefer Everclear so I'm sure that will show up on tomorrow's post.
Game I last played: Temple of Elemental Evil
Tommy "likes to beat himself up...you know...emotionally" Schubert
Have you ever wanted something so bad you could actually taste it? Feel it in your heart? Feel it in your hand? Have you ever wanted something that bad? I'm not just talking about objects. I'm talking about dream jobs, dream locations to live, dream friends, anything. Well did you get it? Good for you...but let's say you didn't get it. Let's say that it would be impossible to get without throwing away everything that makes you happy and taking a giant leap of faith. No way to insure if you're going to get what it is that you're leaping for. As a matter of fact before hand you KNOW that it's actually extremely unlikely to get what it is you want. But you can still taste it. You can still see it in your mind. You can imagine what it would be like if you had it and having it is the best you have ever felt in your life. Think about that for a minute. Feel what it is that you want. Know you can never have it. Try that. It kinda hurts inside doesn't it. Hurts right in the center of your chest. Or maybe puts a lump in your throat. That's what I want you all to think about today. Think about the potential for ultimate happiness and then think about the greatest cost for that happiness. Would you do it? Would you throw your life off your sholders like an old jacket and run for that cliff? Would you? Could you? I don't know the answer myself. I just wanted to talk about it.
What put this into my head? I'm not quite sure...but I think it was Lost in Translation. I have seen it a couple of times and I really like it. I think it's just about the loneliest movie I have ever seen in my life. I was in a contemplative state when I caught the last 20 minutes of it last night and the unheard things that Bill Murray says to the chick at the very end really stuck with me. Was he taking that leap? Was he arranging to meet her back in the states? Or was he just informing her that he's going to do the "right" thing and stick with the status quo. I don't know. I really don't know. They obviously had something special and his life back at home was obviously stagnating. It's just a really sad movie for me and that last scene and the expressions on the faces really stuck with me this time. Anyway...just wanted to talk about it a little. See what you guys think. But I would REALLY prefer that you thought about how the above paragraph pertains to your life and please don't relate it to Lost in Translation. I know that something like this has happened to everyone out there and I just wanted to know what you though. Thanks guys...I don't think I got enough sleep last night and thinking about deep and sappy bullshit is just what I do when that happens. I 've been a lump at work all morning with nothing to do but think about this. Anyway. Enjoy the exercise in personal pain and loss.
Music in my car as we speak: Ditto...yeah...I REALLY like that album(Herzfrequenz). But on days like this I really prefer Everclear so I'm sure that will show up on tomorrow's post.
Game I last played: Temple of Elemental Evil
Tommy "likes to beat himself up...you know...emotionally" Schubert
Comments:
I think about it all the time. there's this fine line between having your own life and giving part of that up when you commit to another person. I can't just run off to grad school anywhere, I have to plan, have to convince geoff to go with me, you know.
But I would not have it any other way. You always give up something when you commit to comething.
Course, I'm relating all this back to geoff. The potiential for ultimate happiness would not be there if he wasn't. So, let's say, I was offered a grant to go make art for years and have all my expenses paid for but for some reason I couldn't take Geoff. Would I take it? No way.
It would be different, though if I wasn't in love. If I was in a just tolerable relationship. I've been there, too, almost waiting for that oppurtunity so you can just go away.
Hmm. I need to see that movie. I'm just rambling today, too much on my mind.
But I would not have it any other way. You always give up something when you commit to comething.
Course, I'm relating all this back to geoff. The potiential for ultimate happiness would not be there if he wasn't. So, let's say, I was offered a grant to go make art for years and have all my expenses paid for but for some reason I couldn't take Geoff. Would I take it? No way.
It would be different, though if I wasn't in love. If I was in a just tolerable relationship. I've been there, too, almost waiting for that oppurtunity so you can just go away.
Hmm. I need to see that movie. I'm just rambling today, too much on my mind.
# posted by 
: 2:20 PM
: 2:20 PM
Actually...what I'm talking about would relate to your situation more like this: You're already IN graduate school for something that you love. You have a job lined up already for when you graduate BUT in order to maybe have geoff you MUST drop out immediately. That's more what I'm talking about. The movie (and frankly life itself) is all about choosing safe over passion, love and happiness. Choosing status quo over the chance at lifetime exuberance.
T
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T
