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Friday, November 05, 2004

I Think The Queers Say It Best in Track 2 

Hey everyone. I know it's been a really weird week and I'm really sorry. Just having a little crisis over here but I think it's in its last day or so. I hope. I have just been feeling really nostalgic lately and a multitude of things caused it. Too many to get into right now. But to sum it all up I hung out with a couple of 16 year olds the other day. Yup! Basically I slipped back into highschool mode for about 2 hours. It was really nice. I actually had the more fun talking to them than I've had in a really long time. But then later on that evening and for the last couple of days I realized that all the things I said to them were true. All the things that I talked passionately about I'm actually passionate about. And basically seeing my passion reflected in their passion for the same subjects made me realize that my life is seriously missing something that I didn't know it was missing....Shared Passion. Now now...I'm not talking about sweaty bodies here...I'm just talking about passion. Getting the chance to talk for 2 hours in a complete state of excitement with another person or persons. Feeding off the people you are talking to and vice versa. Forgetting the time becuase of the topics of conversation. not caring about work or homework just so you can keep the conversation going. I...I haven't had a conversation like that in a really long time. Hell...before the other night I really can't remember the last time. I was just down about all that. And my inability to think of a solution to the situation. All my über-dork friends moved away and I just kind of felt like I was losing touch with myself. I wanted to have those conversations again. I wanted to get to talk with people that have the same passions that I do. But all the people around me just don't seem to have the same level of passion that I do about the same subjects. People are moving on. Getting caught up in work and school and significant others...frankly...becoming "adults". And I spent the week wrestling with my position on the situation. Was I an adult? Did I want to be an adult? What does it really mean to be an adult? I mean...I don't like the things that people consider "adult interests". I don't "party" or anything that implies. I'm not trying to build my empire through the stock market. I don't want to start a family. My whole life isn't caught up in the newspaper. I don't care about status quo. Shit...I'm just REALLY confused about my life and my future. Sorry...I'm really trying to get my thoughts out here so I can sit back and look at them and try and get a better idea of what the hell the solution might be. Are any of you being faced with this problem? I mean the "new friends" solution is basically out of the question. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find huge dorks that are also punk rockers? Easy? Ok...now try finding a huge dork who's a punk rocker AND doesn't drink or smoke....yeah...exactly. Do you see the problem yet? I haven't seen completely eye to eye with another person in a really long time....since college I guess...maybe before that. I don't remember. Anyway...basically I was missing all the fun that my life used to be full of. Now it's just full of work and school and pretending I'm someone I'm not. It's just no fun at all. I wish...nah...I have a thousand wishes and they aren't worth talking about. I'm not really depressed today so don't think I am. I'm actually in solution mode so my mind has been wandering all over the place trying to think of something that might be a solution to this. It's good to get this kinda shit out. And I really appreciate you all, I'm just being weird this week. That's all. Pay me no mind.

Nail gun!
Music in my car as we speak: The Queers - Don't Back Down
Game I last played: No dice...it was a gameless day yesterday...sadly :(

The Incredibles opens today. I'm going to see it no matter how much less like an adult I'm going to feel doing it. Shoot me a line if you want to go too.

Tommy "Oh...oh I won't" Schubert


See/Post Comments (2) posted by Tommy : 1:51 PM
Comments:
I'm so jealous about the Incredibles. See it on dlp for me, willya? I miss you come visit. I know it's easy for me to say but when you and kelley get a break from school that overlaps, or hell if you get a break, come out here. it's good fun and we miss you. you know how hard it is to make new friends? forget their interests matching exactly with yours, cos it won't happen. we've made a few but we've got a long way to go. Mostly people want to hang out one night a week in a large social setting but it's hard to get them to come over and play games and chill out. we're trying though...
-erin
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 2:11 PM
 
I know it's impossible to find someone with interests that match perfectly. But man...I'll be damned if I don't have an incredible amount (and I mean unfathomable) of interests in common with the two 16 year olds I talked to the other day. It was amazing, sad, badass, and pathetic all at the same time.

And currently I'm planning to hit your place sometime in Jan or Feb. I have a lot of financial stuff hanging over my head and a big monthly expense goes away come the beginning of Jan so...

T
# posted by Blogger Tommy : 2:20 PM
 
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