Thursday, November 09, 2006
From 60 to Zero in .70 months
Well. It gets better.
*Disclaimer: This isn't your usual gaming/anime/tech post.*
Hey. Well...I've been putting on the best facade I can muster for the last couple weeks. It will be cracking now. Prepare yourself.
Dan is moving to Kansas City. Great for him, bad for me. I'm happy for him I really am, but to lose your best friend in the whole world and an old friend in less than a month is really draining. Like...really draining. Straw that broke the camel's back draining. I know I'm not the first or the only one to go through this so I don't claim monopoly. What I do claim is melodrama. It's all I really have. Oh...right...melodramatically: It's all I have left in the world!! You get the idea and you know what's coming in the following paragraphs. Lucky you!
It's been a long time since I've felt this lonely. I don't like it and I just plain don't understand. I know I'm preaching to the infidels on this one as the majority of the people that read this have already left, but well...it just fucking sucks to be the last one at the party. Ed and Deborah will move within the year, the Friedman's are gone, Moen's outta here, Ted will be moving soon as he finds a new job, etc etc. What's that leave? Me living at my parent's house more depressed than I've been in a decade? What did I do wrong? What? I'm a good person. I'm getting my masters. I've got a well paying job that doesn't suck horribly. I'm overly generous. I'm nice to people. I like who I am. I'm proud of myself. What have I done wrong?!? Didn't grow up? Does growing up really mean moving away? I lived in a foreign country for half a year before some of the people I know even moved out of their parent's house for Christ's sake! I know loneliness and I simply hate it more than anything else. What kind of life is that? No one to share your day with. No one to tell jokes with. No one who understands you. I'm a boring person all by myself. It's the other people in my life that make me interesting. Make me interested. Make me enlightened. Make me intelligent. Make me ME. FUCK!
This is a post being made less than half an hour from the breaking of this camel's back. I still have a lump in my throat. I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow or the next day. I'm tired physically and tired of having the shit beaten out of me emotionally. But I guess it's my nature to turn this around somehow. How to do that...hmmmm...Oh! How about this: A counselor needs to know and understand a full range of emotions so as to better empathize with their clients. Well holy-fucking-CHECK! With THIS range of emotion I'm sure to be a pretty fucking good counselor. Now if only money or a job or a location could just make me happy. Fuck...
Tommy "wow...I shouldn't post this...eh...fuck it...here goes!" Schubert
*Disclaimer: This isn't your usual gaming/anime/tech post.*
Hey. Well...I've been putting on the best facade I can muster for the last couple weeks. It will be cracking now. Prepare yourself.
Dan is moving to Kansas City. Great for him, bad for me. I'm happy for him I really am, but to lose your best friend in the whole world and an old friend in less than a month is really draining. Like...really draining. Straw that broke the camel's back draining. I know I'm not the first or the only one to go through this so I don't claim monopoly. What I do claim is melodrama. It's all I really have. Oh...right...melodramatically: It's all I have left in the world!! You get the idea and you know what's coming in the following paragraphs. Lucky you!
It's been a long time since I've felt this lonely. I don't like it and I just plain don't understand. I know I'm preaching to the infidels on this one as the majority of the people that read this have already left, but well...it just fucking sucks to be the last one at the party. Ed and Deborah will move within the year, the Friedman's are gone, Moen's outta here, Ted will be moving soon as he finds a new job, etc etc. What's that leave? Me living at my parent's house more depressed than I've been in a decade? What did I do wrong? What? I'm a good person. I'm getting my masters. I've got a well paying job that doesn't suck horribly. I'm overly generous. I'm nice to people. I like who I am. I'm proud of myself. What have I done wrong?!? Didn't grow up? Does growing up really mean moving away? I lived in a foreign country for half a year before some of the people I know even moved out of their parent's house for Christ's sake! I know loneliness and I simply hate it more than anything else. What kind of life is that? No one to share your day with. No one to tell jokes with. No one who understands you. I'm a boring person all by myself. It's the other people in my life that make me interesting. Make me interested. Make me enlightened. Make me intelligent. Make me ME. FUCK!
This is a post being made less than half an hour from the breaking of this camel's back. I still have a lump in my throat. I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow or the next day. I'm tired physically and tired of having the shit beaten out of me emotionally. But I guess it's my nature to turn this around somehow. How to do that...hmmmm...Oh! How about this: A counselor needs to know and understand a full range of emotions so as to better empathize with their clients. Well holy-fucking-CHECK! With THIS range of emotion I'm sure to be a pretty fucking good counselor. Now if only money or a job or a location could just make me happy. Fuck...
Tommy "wow...I shouldn't post this...eh...fuck it...here goes!" Schubert
Comments:
I'm sorry. I have felt that way before, and it really, totally, absolutely sucks.
If you ever go visit in KC you gotta let me know- it's only a "quick" 4 hour drive from here.
If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me.
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If you ever go visit in KC you gotta let me know- it's only a "quick" 4 hour drive from here.
If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me.
