Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Eureka!
Ok. So, you all know that I like to basically continue to improve myself right? If I have a problem (resist vanilla ice!!!) I just think about it and think about it and think about it (which becomes it's own problem) until I figure out the source and then I figure out what to do about it. Well here's the problem: I've been sleeping in later and later lately. I'm really not very happy about it. I'll stay up later and later (last night it was until about 8 or 9 in the morning) and consequently wake up later and later (yesterday I went to bed at 2am and woke up at 4pm). It's gotten really annoying. However since I was startled awake in my own unique way this afternoon (ask me later), I came to the conclusion that I had been looking for for about a month. I'm not sleeping because of Kelley and she's the same reason I'm sleeping too late. Hear me out.
I don't really think about Kelley much anymore and I'm realizing that this is the first time I've actually written her name in quite a while as well. Yeah sure she's always going to be in the back of my head but then again I think about a lot of things in a day. Seriously my mind is all over the place (who's isn't really?). But anyway, in my dreams she's still almost always there. Never sexually. Just there. I think I stay awake so late because I just can't stand to face her. I think I actually fear my dreams about her. Thus I stay up later and later basically attempting to block out sleep all together. This obviously doesn't work but it DOES fuck up my daily schedule. So...why do I stay asleep so long? Same reason. In dreams is the only place she'll actually talk to me. It's the only place where she's my best friend again. It's the only place I can actually see her smile. And some days I just like to stay there longer. Man that's pathetic. But the counselor in me understands. It's hard being your own client! Though I already do a lot of talking to myself ;)
All my friends are moving away and there simply aren't that many left. I'm lonely. Again. Man I hate being lonely. You would think man would only have to endure one stint of painful loneliness in their lives but alas that's not the case. I mean. I'm no idiot. I knew this would eventually come. I'm just expressing my un-like of the situation. Dating isn't going so well either. There's either something about me that only a mother and crazies can love...strike that...that only crazies can love, or...well...or something else. That's just another problem on my list. But it's really not one I'm working on too hard. I SERIOUSLY hate dating...more than I hate MySpace.
Anyway, needed to get that out there. Sorry for the bummer. Oh...and for those keeping score: I'm almost to the point where I wouldn't take her back if she asked. Gimme a couple more years ;)
For some reason I just thought about Katie Girl-I'm-Destined-To-Kill. Hmmm...I should think about that a little more. But not here.
Stay tuned for my Disclaimer on what this blog is all about!! Film at 11! Or maybe...5:30 in the morning...
Tommy "what? 4 solid months in a foreign country on a super tight budget, essentially cut off from all major cities wasn't enough?" Schubert
I don't really think about Kelley much anymore and I'm realizing that this is the first time I've actually written her name in quite a while as well. Yeah sure she's always going to be in the back of my head but then again I think about a lot of things in a day. Seriously my mind is all over the place (who's isn't really?). But anyway, in my dreams she's still almost always there. Never sexually. Just there. I think I stay awake so late because I just can't stand to face her. I think I actually fear my dreams about her. Thus I stay up later and later basically attempting to block out sleep all together. This obviously doesn't work but it DOES fuck up my daily schedule. So...why do I stay asleep so long? Same reason. In dreams is the only place she'll actually talk to me. It's the only place where she's my best friend again. It's the only place I can actually see her smile. And some days I just like to stay there longer. Man that's pathetic. But the counselor in me understands. It's hard being your own client! Though I already do a lot of talking to myself ;)
All my friends are moving away and there simply aren't that many left. I'm lonely. Again. Man I hate being lonely. You would think man would only have to endure one stint of painful loneliness in their lives but alas that's not the case. I mean. I'm no idiot. I knew this would eventually come. I'm just expressing my un-like of the situation. Dating isn't going so well either. There's either something about me that only a mother and crazies can love...strike that...that only crazies can love, or...well...or something else. That's just another problem on my list. But it's really not one I'm working on too hard. I SERIOUSLY hate dating...more than I hate MySpace.
Anyway, needed to get that out there. Sorry for the bummer. Oh...and for those keeping score: I'm almost to the point where I wouldn't take her back if she asked. Gimme a couple more years ;)
For some reason I just thought about Katie Girl-I'm-Destined-To-Kill. Hmmm...I should think about that a little more. But not here.
Stay tuned for my Disclaimer on what this blog is all about!! Film at 11! Or maybe...5:30 in the morning...
Tommy "what? 4 solid months in a foreign country on a super tight budget, essentially cut off from all major cities wasn't enough?" Schubert
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