The Roulette Wheel

Ok. Just broke up with Jessica. Let's just rip that band-aid right off. I totally feel like a complete asshole though. Basically it's only the second time I've broken up with someone. Yes Karin, you were the first and until recently, the last. I feel the need to explain myself to the internets. Just because I'm really feeling like a dick.

Basically things were going great...as I'm sure you've read here already...then...well...something happened. I don't really know what but I hit a brick wall. All of the work I had from work and school were seriously piling up. I was up to my eyeballs. I was thinking about my future. Where would I move after my masters? I was thinking about how I'm probably not emotionally ready for a big-time relationship. It just hadn't been enough time. And then I just stopped feeling. I pretty sure my heart is still just broken. I wasn't sure so I kept trying to wait to see if it would start back up again. It didn't. Then even more got piled on to my plate. The time needed to treat a girl right just kept disappearing, that combined with not having a fully functional heart...well...that's just not right. It wasn't fair to either of us. Though I feel like a complete asshole, I feel like I did the right thing. Sigh. The right thing. Where has THAT ever gotten someone?

So the ball is in her court. Right now I need a friend in my life more than I need a girlfriend. I basically don't deserve a significant other right now it seems. In time. In time. I hope she decides to let me be a friend. Anyway...this has GOT to be one of my least articulate posts in a LONG time. I should get back to grading and get back to flogging myself for being a dick. Ugh.

Tommy "this is almost completely rhetorical so please don't feel the need to comment" Schubert