The Roulette Wheel

You might have gotten a chuckle out of the picture to the left. I didn't get it off the Internet, I took it this weekend at the steak and shake down the road. Oh. But that wasn't all. Remember the story from wal-mart about a month ago? Well. Had another one of those nights. We checked back at the steak and shake the next night after taking the picture to see if hey had pulled the sign. Turns out they hadn't. I was pretty surprised. We quickly made a plan to head inside and try and get them to give us free kids dicks. I spearheaded this time. It was truly awesome and they had no idea what we were talking about. Oh. And they were idiots. I don't feel like walking you through the conversation but...well ok maybe I'll try.

Me: Hey there. Ok let's see...do you guys have a menu?
Her: Wait. Remember the sign?
Me: Oh right. Are the kids' dicks still free?
Guy: What?
Me: The kids' dicks. Are they still free?
Her: Man I'm hungry.
Guy: Um right the kids meals are only free after you buy four k--
Me: (louder) No. I don't want a kid's meal I want to eat kids' DICKS. Your sign says free kids' dicks and that's what I want. If you don't have them then that's false advertising.
Guy: Um...
Me: I mean, do you want anything else?
Her: No...not really. I just really wanted to eat some dicks.
Me: Yeah. Me too. Ok we'll just pay for the kids' dicks. How many kids' dicks come in a pack?
Guy: We um...I don't think we have that in the menu.
Me: Well. Your sign said you did. Kids' dicks were all we wanted so we are just gonna go. (turning to go)
Manager: (pokes head out from back of the store) Wait! What sign??
Me: (frustrated). Sigh. Your sign. Outside. It says "eat kids diks 4 free. Details inside.". We want to eat kids' dicks for free, so we are in here.
Manager: What?? (rushes outside)
Me: (time to leave) Well of you don't have kids' dicks, we're leaving.
Her: What? But I really wanted to eat some kids' dicks!
Me: Let's go...(outside heading to car).
Manager: (walking away from sign, look of surprise and bewilderment) Hey um...sorry but (pointing) we don't serve that.
Me: Well then we'll find some one who does! Humph!
Her: Maybe Wal-Mart has kids' dicks on SALE!
(jump in car and drive away)

Sorry if that was a little long but it's much funnier when I tell it in person. And yes it all happened and yes all of that was actually said. It was fucking glorious. Anyway. About time for me to go back to simultaniously hating and absolutely loving my current situation.

Tommy "can you rape another person's hand?" Schubert