The Roulette Wheel

So the last couple years I have been slowly building something awesome.  An awesome job, an awesome time with AFFD, and I had just put in the final piece: an awesome girlfriend.  In the last three months all of those things have been crumbled before my eyes.  That's not the worst of it.  It gets better.  Each of them has been been rubbed in my face in the last week.  With ire. 

You all know about what happened with Melanie, how important she was to me, and how much it hurt.  No need to go over that one again.  But the rub in the face?  About an hour ago I got a call from a good friend warning me about a text I was about to get.  She is seeing someone else already.  Ahhh.  Gotta love how that shit works.  No matter what they say, you just can't trust someone doing the breaking up.  All they're saying is something to make you feel better no matter how futile the effort is.  You're just not good enough for them.  Gotta love it.  They don't actually care as much as you thought they did.

AFFD was pretty awesome this year but completely exhausting.  Completely.  During the festival I had all kinds of unavailable women enjoying my humor and company only to reveal after the festival itself was over that they were unavailable.  Festival had a bit of a cloudy lining, wasn't expecting that and it left a sour taste in my mouth.  Otherwise though, it went flawlessly.  Here's the face rub:  Just a couple days ago the programmer of the festival rage quit in a two thousand word email.  I know a lot of you guys don't quite know what that means.  Essentially it just caused such huge waves that the festival will probably never be the same again.  Might not even have one next year.  Just got my portion of the festival right where I want it, and then all this shit.

So you already knew work was getting fucked up when mom quit.  That was a pretty big deal and, in case you missed the timing, the final decision happened within a week of the breakup.  Well...yes, within a week of getting my face rubbed in the break up, I got my face rubbed in my new situation at work.  It is going to be fucked up even more than I was thinking.  I just got the word that they hired the one person I specifically suggested them not to hire.  This means we'll have a technical theatre teacher who literally knows nothing about technical theatre.  A kid is going to get hurt and probably hurt bad.  Not only that, the guy is completely wrapped around the bitch that started all this's finger.  It's going to be hard for me to actually go to work now, let alone enjoy my job.  People are so pissed around there (not just me) that we have parents quitting their booster positions and already had our fine arts vice principal transfer. 

Anyway.  Yeah.  Things have really been going to shit around here.  Right now I feel like nothing is going to go my way and probably won't for a while.  I'm in a constant state of choked up in the last couple days and I'm surprised the text from Mel I got a couple hours ago didn't break me.  I will not let this bullshit break me.  I've been stronger than everything else that's come before and no matter how many things life throws at me or how much they hurt, none of this will beat me.  None of it.

Tommy "be strong you little fuck, be strong" Schubert